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 Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down

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holagurl175
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PostSubject: Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down   Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:54 am

Chapter One: The Good Life


As I lay in my bed, listening to "Good Girls Go Bad" on my badazzled iPod, I dreamily stare at the walls
of my large bedroom, a peachy pink color, kind of like cotton candy, a soft texture, fluffy like a cloud, as
if i'm hypnotized into it. As I rub my lips together after I applied my Pink Goddess lipgloss, I stare at
myself in the mirror, admiring how amazing I looked today. My hair was recently cut, at about my
shoulder, a dark brunette color, my hazel eyes gleaming with the light, my cheeks flushed with all the
heat, my tight tube top sticking to my B Cups, it was my typical Autumn day look. I walked over to my
Cats calender, marking off another day. Only 3 more days until the biggest day of your life......... I
thought to myself. I had my heart set on this day since I was eleven years old. I practiced and rehearsed
my answers every single night, over and over and over and over. I took a deep breath and walked over
to my closet to find my perfect outfit. I slid my manicured fingers over each hanger, studying over the
fabrics and textures of each shirt. I led my fingers onto a tight grip over a grayish black v neck sweater
and knee length dress shorts. I set them off to the side so they would be ready. I took out my new
iPhone and texted my amazing boyfriend, Chace. Heyyy baby, only three more days. =) i can't wait!
As I waited for an instant reply, my mother stepped into the picture, my step-mother to be exact. She
had long dark black hair and a rather pointy nose, no wonder I always thought of her as a witch. She had
deadly eyes, but a very attractive body, explaining why my father fell for her. "Darling, Molly, are you
ready for your big interview on Tuesday?" she asked, one hand gripped onto her hip, the other gently
placed on Molly's shoulder. I nodded to her, "I have been for years. I think I really have a chance at this!
I've waited my whole life for it!" she smiled, confidently, which a hint of cockiness. The only thing Molly
didn't know, was that in three days, her life would come crashing down before her own eyes.........
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WoLf_MiStReSs
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PostSubject: Re: Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down   Sat Aug 15, 2009 1:06 pm

more please!
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PostSubject: Re: Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down   Sun Aug 16, 2009 2:09 am

What? I honestly don't understand most of it. You might want to try paragraphs, and, oh, you can't switch from 1st person to 3rd person like that. I'm assuming Molly is the main character? One tip for any writing projects, most people don't want to read blocks of text. So fix that.
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holagurl175
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PostSubject: Re: Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down   Sun Aug 16, 2009 3:20 am

HUH???
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PostSubject: Re: Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down   Sun Aug 16, 2009 3:53 am

Wow, if you didn't understand that... well, then I have a hard time believing you'll be a freshman. T_T

1. Paragraphs, ever heard of them? That's one long paragraph you've got there... perhaps you could split it up?

2. At first you were using "I" and "me", 1st person. Then you suddenly went to "Molly" and "her", 3rd person. That doesn't always work.

3. When you switched from 1st to 3rd, you went from Present tense to Past tense, from "I am running" to "I ran". Also, that doesn't always work.

*is a grammar Nazi*
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holagurl175
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Female
Number of posts : 16089
Age : 21
Nickname: : Natalie(Nat)
Princess<3
Registration date : 2008-10-14

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Role-Playing Game Field: Moon HighSchool- Lorrraine

PostSubject: Re: Screwed:The Story About How One Night Can Flip Your World Upside Down   Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:30 am

Ohhhh ok. I understand. Yeaa. Im slow on grammar cuz I didnt take Grammar class in 2 years.
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