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 Calling Out ~_~

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mnm1995
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Female
Number of posts : 2985
Age : 22
Nickname: : Assistant to Juicy_J. M or Kela (as Shelby calls me)
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Registration date : 2008-06-11

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Role-Playing Game Field: Mysty - All of them put together Zapada - The Caring and Smart Blue Moon - The Warrior Spring - The understanding Sand - The gentle hearted Titan - The strong willed Nava- The strong hearted and gentle minded. Fern- The watchful Lunar- The braveFog- The mysterious Solar-The smartLuna-The Gentle and calm. Shira- strong hearted Asim- the protector

PostSubject: Calling Out ~_~   Fri Feb 27, 2009 9:56 am

I looked with big pleading eyes. Why wouldn't he let me go? What was so wrong about it? The thoughts rang through my overly sized mind, bouncing off the walls. I looked at his gorgeous honey blond hair and smiled slightly as he looked at me.


Just a mini preview for later if I get that far. Tell me what you think. I would love some criticism it would help.

Chapter 1 - The beginning

It was the start like any other day. I woke up brushed threw my honey brown hair, threw on jeans and a long sleeve shirt, and put on some make up that brought out my brown eyes. They became lighter towards the pupils. I ran down the steps of the house. Nothing could go wrong. I smiled at the thought. I continued to walk through the house. It was quiet and I could hear the call of birds. I always had a really good sense of hearing, scent, eye sight and taste. I admit, it's really weird. But I grew up like that so it's normal to me. I never knew why and figured it was something with my genes.

I was in the kitchen know and I saw my mother making pancakes. As I looked around I saw my older brother, he was about 21 now, I had lost count so he's always 21 to me. I smiled as I saw him, "Maxwell!" I yelled running up to him and hugging him. He engulfed me in his arms, "Cassandra." he smiled. I looked at him, "Since when do you call me that?" I asked. "Cassie. Sorry." he rolled his eyes letting me go. "Mom." I smiled. "have something to eat honey before you have to go to school." she said setting a pile of pancakes on the table. I grabbed two and began to eat.
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WoLf_MiStReSs
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Number of posts : 14540
Age : 20
Nickname: : MeEr, Mkitty, Wolfie, Moe, Mcat, Missy, Pedro
Registration date : 2008-07-04

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PostSubject: Re: Calling Out ~_~   Sun Jun 28, 2009 11:56 am

it sounds good, but maybe a little more description? and you said that the boy and cassie both had 'honey' colored hair, shouldn't you make them different? but i did like the story, it was good please write more
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